Limestone Ledger

BLOOMINGTON, IN — Paternity test proven father Mark Reynolds, 44, expressed sincere sympathy for his children’s disappointment Christmas morning after explaining that no presents arrived due to what he described as a well-documented Santa access issue stemming from the absence of a chimney in his rental home.

“I completely get why you’d be upset,” Reynolds told his two children, seated quietly on a couch beside a fully decorated but conspicuously gift-free tree. “I would be, too. I’m disappointed with you. Unfortunately, Santa has protocols.”

Reynolds, who sees his kids on alternating holidays when schedules align, emphasized that the situation was not the result of neglect, oversight, or prioritization of other life events, but rather an unavoidable breakdown in Christmas delivery logistics.

“This isn’t about my love or effort,” Reynolds said, gesturing toward the ceiling. “This is on architecture.”

According to Reynolds, Santa Clause, who he described as “very traditional” and “not great with modern housing layouts,” requires a functioning chimney in order to complete gift delivery. Reynolds’ current residence, a two-bedroom ranch-style rental with vinyl siding and a low roof pitch, simply did not meet the necessary criteria.

“I even checked Zillow,” Reynolds added. “A lot of places don’t have chimneys anymore. It’s a known issue.”

The children reportedly asked whether Santa could use the front door, a question Reynolds said he found “emotionally understandable but operationally naïve.”

“I wish it worked that way,” he replied. “But once you start letting Santa freelance, the whole system breaks down.”

Reynolds noted that he had intended to circle back on the chimney issue earlier in the year but became sidetracked by what he described as a transformative phase of personal growth, including the purchase of a red 1997 Mazda Miata and the recent arrival of his girlfriend, Ashley, 29, who Reynolds referred to multiple times as “basically a mom already.”

“She’s great with kids,” Reynolds said. “She has just barely met mine yet.”

Reynolds assured his children that the lack of presents should not be interpreted as a lack of love, stressing that he had spent a lot of time thinking about them this year.

“Christmas is about more than stuff,” he said. “It’s about understanding systems. And boundaries. And sometimes disappointment.”

At press time, Reynolds confirmed that he plans to make it up to them once circumstances allow, possibly around tax refund season.

In the meantime, Reynolds encouraged his children to focus on gratitude and resilience.

“Some kids don’t even have a dad who explains things this thoroughly,” he said as he put on sunglasses indoors and headed out for a drive “to clear his head.”