Limestone Ledger

BLOOMINGTON, IN – The Bloomington City Council voted unanimously to end the 4-year old Sister City relationship with Palo Alto, California after outcry over the predilection of the title.

Councillors allowed all eight members of the public present at the meeting to remonstrate prior to the vote.

“This stops here, and it stops now,” said resident Silas Asher. “We are a progressive community and there is no room in Bloomington for the aggressive and oppressive use of a specific so-called gender.”

All members of the Council seemed sympathetic to the calls to end gender-specific terminology in all of government. Each Councillor shook and shed tears when hearing of the torment caused by the use of words like “sister” or “touchy uncle.”

“I was a sobbing mess,” stated Councillor Isabel Piedmont-Smith. “So much guilt set in knowing that I and the rest of the Council have been enabling the irreparable harm caused by our government’s emphasis on gender specificity. I’ll never forgive myself.”

The vote was the result of months of protest and main thoroughfare sit-ins aimed at swaying public opinion in favor of nixing the relationship.

“Man, I don’t care,” said resident and laborer Gunner Wert. “If it gets the damn hippies out of my way when I’m the one actually going to work, just pass it. Where the hell is Palo Alto anyway?”