Limestone Ledger

BLOOMINGTON, IN – Billionaire alumnus Mark Cuban hosted a live show of the hit television program ‘Shark Tank’ at the IU Auditorium featuring unwitting student contestants dropped into an actual great white shark tank if their business proposals were rejected. The outcome was as horrifying as it was one-hundred percent foreseeable.

Cuban previously co-hosted ‘Shark Tank’ and the live show was intended to be the announcement of his return to the program. As a major benefactor and fan of Indiana University, Cuban hoped to showcase the campus and recognize his experience as a Kelley School of Business graduate and its impact on his remarkable career.

The hosts and show producers decided to up the stakes for contestants. Instead of the usual format of hosts offering to buy companies or partner with entrepreneurs, an additional option allowed for the hosts to press a giant red button that opened a trap door and dropped the presenters into a salt water tank home to a hungry great white shark.

The show, filmed live in front of a sold-out IU Auditorium, quickly turned into a gruesome spectacle.

“I swear on everything we just wanted to put on a good show,” said a distraught Cuban. “A live ‘Shark Tank’ with added pressure on the students to bring their A-game seemed like an awesome idea. In hindsight, someone should’ve stopped me when I demanded we use an actual great white.”

Audience members were only made aware of the actual shark tank when the first presenters were roundly shot down by the panel of hosts. It was at that moment when Cuban slammed his hand down on a comically oversized red panic button, opening hidden doors on the platform and plunging the students into the tank.

“Dear God,” exclaimed Cheryl Henderson, a Bloomington native and fan of the show. “The curtains pulled back and revealed a massive glass tank. The kids were struggling in the water when suddenly the shark attacked. I’ll have nightmares for the rest of my life.”

The producers quickly realized what should have been anticipated months prior to the show and cut the stage lights and shut off the microphones vividly capturing the sounds of the students struggling to fight off the 15-foot, 2,100 pound sea beast.

Cuban, the hosts, and the show production leadership are all facing serious questions about their judgment with multiple lawsuits already filed.

In unrelated news, an anonymous donation was received by the IU Foundation in the amount of $10 million with the note, “Just Because.”