Limestone Ledger

BLOOMINGTON, IN – Mayor Kerry Thomson proudly signed a formal declaration designating Bloomington as the Nation’s first Exotic Animal Sanctuary City.

City officials have been deliberating ways to offer protections for the vulnerable in the wake of a 2024 statewide ban on sanctuary cities meant for undocumented immigrants. It was determined that the best use of resources would be to offer shelter and refuge to animals most often exploited due to their scarcity in the United States.

“Bloomington was always known as a safe harbor for noncitizens until the state, in its infinite wisdom, voted to dehumanize the defenseless,” stated Mayor Thomson in her declaration speech. “I, along with my City Council colleagues, decided Bloomington must remain a welcoming community, so that’s why I’m here today to announce all exotic animals from any country around the world are free to roam our streets without fear of impoundment and claim this town as their own.”

Residents are divided on the issue, with some delighted to see the city continue to claim the mantle of progress and acceptance, while others believe the animals present an imminent danger to the community, fearful they will act on their primal instincts and see humans as a readily available food source.

“Listen, I’m all about my city being known for openness and tolerance, but these are lions, and tigers, and primates,” said Beverly Adams. “Common sense tells me these animals will stalk and devour our pets and children. If they don’t eat us, they will surely spread zoonotic disease and disrupt our ecosystem.”

To ease fears of violent attacks, Mayor Thomson stood with a Nepalese Bengal Tiger at the declaration ceremony, even hand-feeding the beast chunks of raw, locally sourced goat meat.