Limestone Ledger

BLOOMINGTON, IN – It was a tragic and gruesome sight. A day fans and foes alike will never forget.

During halftime of the Indiana Hoosier Football home opener, Hoosier the Bison reintroduced himself as the official IU Sports mascot after nearly a 60-year hiatus. Hoosier parachuted onto the 50-yard line to raucous applause from thousands of adoring fans.

The elation, however, was short-lived. As Hoosier began to wave and fire up the crowd, the unmistakeable crack of a high-powered rifle stopped time in its tracks. Hoosier the Bison galloped gingerly for roughly ten yards, then collapsed and remained motionless.

“My first thought was mass shooting,” said Beverly Martin, a fan from Shoals, Indiana. “But I hunt, and that was clearly the sound of a .308 round fired from approximately 210 yards away. I instantly knew somebody was hunting buffalo.”

State Police frantically tried to control the scene, but just as medical personnel reached Hoosier a camera crew took to the field. In an instant, staff members of the popular television hunting show ‘MeatEater’ were running point.

“I kept thinking, this has to be some kind of skit or attempt at dark humor,” said Ethan Utley, a student section regular. “I love MeatEaster so I figured they were shooting some kind of promo for an upcoming season. That all changed when the knives came out.”

MeatEater star Steven Rinella emerged from the crew brandishing a 4″ fixed-blade knife in one hand and a gut hook in the other. Rinella knelt beside Hoosier and proceeded to gut the mascot and scoop organ after organ onto the 37-yard line. Hoosier was then dragged by the ankles out of Memorial Stadium.

Netflix is now teasing the season finale of MeatEater with viral clips of people donning shirts with the show logo laughing as they hand out buffalo jerky to unwitting IU students.

Hoosier the Bison
R.I.P.
2025-2025