Limestone Ledger

BLOOMINGTON, IN — In what university officials are calling a thoughtful, viewpoint-neutral gesture of personal affection, Indiana University President Pamela Whitten gifted her husband a still-beating human heart reportedly harvested from a particularly vocal anti-ICE demonstrator for Valentine’s Day.

Sources confirm the organ was obtained following the rapid dispersal of an unauthorized Dunn Meadow encampment earlier this month.

The protester, whose identity remains redacted per the IU expressive activity policy, had been cited for exceeding decibel limits and failing to pre-register signage.

“Pam wanted something meaningful,” said a senior administrator speaking on condition of anonymity, for obvious reasons. “Flowers wilt. Chocolates melt. But a heart that once shouted ‘Abolish ICE’ that now beats quietly in a cooler? That’s enduring.”

Whitten, who has faced repeated faculty no-confidence votes over campus speech restrictions, late-night vigil enforcement, and no-trespass orders, described the gift as entirely consistent with our commitment to a safe, inclusive learning environment.

“We’re not silencing dissent,” she said in a prepared statement. “We’re simply relocating it to a more appropriate venue, namely within the walls of an undisclosed internment camp.”

The heart, preserved on dry ice and enclosed in a biohazard box, reportedly continues to thump at irregular intervals, as if attempting to restart one final chant.

Jason Whitten called the present “unexpected but romantic.”

“She knows I like bold statements,” he said. “She’s definitely dark, but you can’t tell me it’s not hot.”