Limestone Ledger

MIAMI, FL – Moments before taking the field for the National Championship, Fernando Mendoza delivered what teammates described as the most aggressively responsible pregame speech in college football history—an impassioned, 11-minute breakdown of the long-term tax advantages of a Roth IRA.

According to players present in the locker room, Mendoza emerged from behind his locker clutching a dry-erase marker, a laminated compound interest chart, and what appeared to be a dog-eared copy of The Simple Path to Wealth. He reportedly waited for total silence before beginning with a calm but steely, “Fellas… do you want to pay taxes on your gains later, or never again?”

Witnesses say the room, initially prepared for profanity and chest-thumping, instead received a meticulously structured presentation covering contribution limits, post-tax advantages, and the psychological freedom of tax-free withdrawals in retirement.

“This isn’t about today,” Mendoza shouted, circling a bar graph labeled Age 59½. “This is about future you. This is about discipline. This is about beating inflation.”

Several linemen confirmed Mendoza used the phrase “tax drag” at least four times and compared early withdrawals to jumping offsides on third-and-short.

“He locked eyes with me and said, ‘Deferred taxes are just deferred pressure,’” said Elijah Sarratt. “I’ve never felt so motivated to block—or to max out my annual contribution.”

The speech reportedly reached its emotional peak when Mendoza referenced the power of compounding.

“If you start now,” he yelled, slamming his marker onto the whiteboard, “money starts working harder than any of us ever will. That’s team ball.”

Coaches initially attempted to redirect the talk back to football but relented when Mendoza tied blitz pickup to diversification and warned against overexposure to taxable accounts.

By the time the team took the field, multiple players had reportedly opened brokerage apps, one assistant coach was Googling “backdoor Roth,” and the offensive line had agreed to hold each other accountable with quarterly check-ins.

Mendoza concluded the speech with a final rallying cry that brought the locker room to its feet:

“Protect the quarterback. Protect the principal. And for the love of God… don’t touch it until retirement!”

The Hoosiers went on to take the field calm, focused, and unusually confident in both their game plan and their long-term financial futures.