Limestone Ledger

WHITELAND, IN — Home for the holidays and feeling militant, 19-year-old IU sophomore Ethan McCullough reportedly laid out his Che Guevara shirt on his childhood bed Saturday night like a soldier prepping tactical gear.

The shirt, a faded, thrift-store red with a cracked, off-center stencil of the Marxist revolutionary, will serve as Ethan’s primary communication device during the family’s annual Christmas gathering, allowing him to bypass small talk, weather conversations, and any discussions of student loan repayment.

“I just think it’ll speak for itself,” Ethan said, folding the shirt with the same reverence his grandmother reserves for nativity figurines. “Normally Uncle Rick corners me about my major and the job market. This year the shirt will provide the answers.

Family members expressed varying degrees of concern.

“Last year he wore that ‘Tax the Rich’ beanie,” said Ethan’s mother, wiping down the kitchen counters in visible anticipation of conflict. “Your father chuckled. Your grandfather did not. We’re hoping the shirt is… less provocative? Just banking on our family being mostly void of history buffs.”

Grandfather Tom McCullough, 74, reportedly Googled “Shay Gaw-vera meaning terrorist???” after learning about the wardrobe plan.

“I don’t know who the fella is,” Tom said. “But the mustache looks hostile.”

Ethan, however, insisted the shirt is less about ideological messaging and more about emotional efficiency.

“When Aunt Deb asks if I’m dating anyone, the shirt says, ‘Not anyone you’d approve of.’ When Cousin Shelby asks if I want to join the family business someday, the shirt says, ‘Absolutely not, comrade.’ It’s just practical.”

Sources report Ethan briefly considered pairing the shirt with a beret before deciding it was “too on the nose for a holiday built around subtle passive aggression.”

Still, the sophomore remains optimistic that his garment will prevent deeper family tensions.

“If anything, it’ll distract from the fact that I switched my major again,” Ethan said. “They’ll be too mad about the shirt to notice I’m now in Contemporary Philosophy of Liberation Studies.”

As of press time, Ethan was spotted packing a backup “Workers of the World Unite” hoodie in case the Christmas Eve service gets extra spicy.