Limestone Ledger

WASHINGTON, DC – President Trump continues his crusade to rid the nation of “woke-ism” and is now focusing his attention on limestone from Bloomington used to construct many iconic D.C. monuments and structures.

Bloomington area limestone, also known as Salem Limestone, is defined by its unique composition of cemented shell debris and is heralded the world over for its strength, consistency, and carving versatility.

The “Nation’s Building Stone” has been used to construct many iconic buildings and structures in Washington, D.C. since the early 20th century. Starting in 1907, the Washington National Cathedral was built using mostly Southern Indiana limestone, while The Lincoln Memorial was built in 1922 with its interior walls and columns comprised entirely of Bloomington area limestone.

Since President Trump assumed the office in January, he has made it a top priority to root out what he perceives as “woke” or the work of liberal indoctrination. It comes as no surprise that Bloomington, with its proud progressive reputation, is now in the crosshairs of Trump’s anti-leftist crusade.

“Starting today, my Administration will begin the process of removing all left-wing limestone from our Nation’s capitol,” said the President. “Bloomington is a woke joke, and has been for far too long. It’s sad but true that anything in that town is tainted by Marxist ideology and has no business in our great country. Some of these monuments, beautiful monuments, are made from the most radical stone you’ve ever seen. People don’t know this, but the stone is very, very woke.”

Demolition crews have been seen at the Pentagon and the U.S. Capitol Building using jackhammers, chisels, and angle grinders to meticulously remove parts of the structures, presumed to be Indiana limestone.

The Governors of Alabama and Mississippi have intimated that stone from their red states is being mined in preparation for installation in D.C. “at the direction of our greatest President, Donald J. Trump.”