Limestone Ledger

BLOOMINGTON, IN – An IU Sophomore intends to preempt the performative niceties of family Thanksgiving and jump right into the annual political bomb throwing.

Braden Armstrong has decided to don a Che Guevara shirt to the extended family holiday dinner table just to get the fireworks started early.

Guevara was an Argentinian Marxist and revolutionary who has come to symbolize rebellion and counterculture for legions of young people in the western world.

“Che fought and died for the people, for social justice,” said Armstrong. “He was an unapologetic communist and an inspiration for modern leftists.”

The Armstrong family Thanksgiving is historically known for initial perfunctory displays of missing loved ones and interest in life and future plans.

The dinner is a different story.

The Armstrong conversations gradually devolve into passive aggressive digs at occupations and incomes, then move on to all-out verbal warfare concerning politics and world events.

“It gets straight up nasty,” said Armstrong cousin Kayla Vernon. “My mom accuses my uncle of wanting to control her uterus, he then calls her a revolting baby killer.”

Braden hopes to quickly move past all the benign catching up and dive right into the mayhem and folly of politics and deep-cutting personal insults that annually threaten to tear the family apart.

“Look, I’ll admit, I’m not necessarily a commie or a Che fan,” said Armstrong. “Truthfully, I’m more of an anarchist, and this is an awesome chance to just watch it all burn to the ground.”

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and Braden is confident his plan of action will result in certain family members refusing to speak to each other until his next opportunity to divide and conquer.