BLOOMINGTON, IN – The luminescent glow of base lit paraffin wax filled a dark room where a struggling lover failed to remove the final impediment to unbridled intimacy.
Aaron Hewett oft deploys a lava lamp with its disco blue hue to set the mood in the event of potential heavy petting, or even coitus.
On occasion, the vintage light source will illuminate fruitless attempts to unclasp a bra as he reaches around and frantically wrestles with the clamps.
“I just don’t get it,” said Hewett. “The lighting, the mood, everything is perfect and I can’t get it undone!”
Hewett acknowledges that since his teens he has been mostly unable to blindly undo and confidently slip off a lacy brazier.
The lava lamp was initially supposed to have a calming, relaxing effect so that Hewett would not think about his past failures as he slid open the plastic clasp.
“I’ve always found this hippie shit to lessen my self-consciousness,” said Hewett. “But no, not even the lamp with Pink Floyd black light posters helps.”
Partners have also become increasingly frustrated the longer it takes Hewett to fumble around with the straps.
“I honestly just feel bad for him,” said Amelia Jarrett. “I wound up patting him on the head and taking it off myself.”
Hewett recently purchased a mannequin torso and intends to spend hours blindfolded as he attempts to master the art of bra removal.
Limestone Ledger 
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